Sunday 27th January
Today has been a bit emotional and difficult so be warned. I think too much time just sat doing nothing but thinking is to blame.
As per the title I am feeling useless and pathetic. I know that it is the vast amount of drugs that they have pumped into me over the last 3 days that are causing this, but it is hard to reconcile this when you have no energy or will power to do anything. This evening I have sat in the bath until it was cold because I literally could not be bothered to get out. I have just sat about today doing nothing at all. I know I have spoken about the tiredness before but it is just so debilitating.
My appetite is tiny. Yesterday I managed one piece of toast, 1 digestive biscuit, 3 grapes and 1 Weetabix ( which appears to be my new best friend, the only thing I can always manage ). Today has been slightly better but not much. Even for this I feel guilty at complaining about when the bloke in the bed opposite me on the ward had not eaten solid food since Christmas Eve. He has everything he needs dripped into him, food and liquid. I truly do not know how such people cope.
I am struggling to do this now as all I want to do is go to bed, however I will because of something Mand said earlier. She said that people must think she only has depressing things to say when she posts for me. This is kind of obvious as she only does it when I am not feeling well enough. I know this is taking a huge mental toll on Mandy but I can honestly say that I would not be coping without her endless love, care and support. Nothing is too much trouble and if it is possible I love her more each day.
I need to finish there as tears are coming, not for the first time today.
Cheers
Tim
Hi Tim, goodness anyone reading your blog would find it very hard to call you pathetic or useless. Your bravery, honesty and guts are to be commended. Your body has been blasted with goodness knows what so exhaustion is understandable but no less frustrating especially well you are normally so active.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy Mandy's posts, it is nice to see things from her perspective too. She's amazingly strong and still keeps a sense of humour about things. Anyone who knows you all would love to make all this go away for you, but we can't. You are all doing so well, but there will always be days when the strength is hard to find. And you are allowed to cry because it's so bloody unfair. Hang in there, the energy will return.
look Tim..... anyone who supports West Brom is entitled to feel down at times.
ReplyDeleteIt won't last though!
Sorry David, can't let this one pass. I only said I had friends that were Baggies fans. You should know from my name on the running forum that I am Forest. So things not as bad as they could have been.
ReplyDelete