Struggle

Saturday 19th January

I have to say that it all seems a struggle at the moment. Lots of little things adding together to bring me down. I can't quite kick the last bit of the cold I have had, plus the fact that the cold sores in my nose are healing but still sore all the same. Mouth ulcers are almost better as well but just there, irritating. I have a constant background headache, and now seem to feel slightly nauseous all the time. It should be too far after a shot of chemo to be that causing it and it's not stopping me from eating at all but it's just there.

Finally as of this morning's hair wash the bath had a good coating of hair in it. You can't tell to look at it yet but it won't be long. It's not that I mind the actual loss of hair, although I'd rather keep it obviously, but I think that up until this happens I haven't looked ill. When the hair and eyebrows have gone then people who don't know will look and think 'I wonder if he has cancer' and that's quite hard to take when I still don't consider myself as having it. That might sound strange when I do but even sat in the waiting room with all the other patients I still look around thinking 'what am I doing here? I'm not ill like these people'.

Despite this malaise we had quite a nice day today. Ben stayed at a mate's last night so we got up late, had a nice walk down into town and down by the river. Then a mate came round for a cuppa this afternoon which was a laugh.

Hopefully tomorrow I will feel more positive.

Cheers

Tim