Quiet recovery

Monday 11th February

I am writing this very brassed off because I have just written it once and then managed to delete it before I posted it. So here we go again.

The intention today was to have a very quiet day to try to get past this awful tiredness. Pretty much managed it as well. Not a bad night's sleep although could have been better, followed by doing absolutely nothing all morning except the washing up. After lunch I went for a walk as I had not left the house yesterday. This tired me out so back to bed for a couple of hours.

Nothing seems to be working though. I am now sat here at nearly 8 o'clock feeling like all I want to do is go back to bed.

Eating is being difficult again at the moment. Just the thought of food turns my stomach but I am forcing it down as I need the energy. The same is going for drinking too.

Both Mandy and I are getting frustrated at this turn of events. I keep apologising to Mand as I just feel so useless. She just wants to be able to do anything to make me better but there really isn't anything. She can at least usually cook for me or spoil me but when I am so tired and not eating even this is no good. I know that some of this problem is caused by my fear of this coming Thursday and going back into hospital. I know I should put it out of my mind but it is easier said than done.

As I said to Mandy last night though, in 17 days time my treatment will be finished. I cannot bring myself to believe that it will be an end to this nightmare though, every time I have expected good news so far we have just been hit with more bad. Surely our luck will change soon.

That's it for tonight as I am struggling to concentrate now.

Cheers

Tim