Thursday 28th February
Only one more day to go to my last chemo. As usual I am starting to get a bit wound up about it, it's no big deal but I can't help it. Once it is out of the way I will relax a bit.
I can only see this as another step in the process. OK so it is a good step but only if it ultimately proves to be successful. It is definitely a positive, not having to go back to hospital for a while will be great.
Today was almost as quiet as I hoped although it did start with a bout of sickness which I thought I had got past. I had a walk along the river but not much else. At least my injection was OK today. Yesterday's left a large bruise behind, my stomach is starting to look as though I have had a good kicking.
No more for today. At least when I post tomorrow the chemo will be finished. It will be nice to be able to do a positive post, fingers crossed.
Cheers
Tim
Thursday, 28 February 2013
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Inactivity
Wednesday 27th February
So the all the anti biotics are now finished. Lets hope this is the start of my body ( and it's functions ) getting back somewhere near normal. Nothing else really to tell from today, just a plain boring day. Highlight was a trip to Tesco ( very exciting ). Apart from that just sleeping, tele and washing up. The energy levels remain rock bottom, Tesco literally did wipe me out.
The day after tomorrow is D-Day for the end of treatment. I also have had an appointment through to see my cancer specialist at the end of April. Although I have not had my CT scan date yet I am guessing that this appointment is to give me the results.
I guess the blog will change somewhat over the next week or two. With no more treatment due it will become one about recuperation and my attempts to get back to work, to a proper family life and to some level of fitness. I probably won't post every day from then on. It is already getting difficult to do at times due to inactivity giving me little to write, and the tiredness making it difficult to be too articulate. Still I have preferred this to all the dramas.
So here's to tomorrow being difficult to write about again, and roll on Friday.
Cheers
Tim
So the all the anti biotics are now finished. Lets hope this is the start of my body ( and it's functions ) getting back somewhere near normal. Nothing else really to tell from today, just a plain boring day. Highlight was a trip to Tesco ( very exciting ). Apart from that just sleeping, tele and washing up. The energy levels remain rock bottom, Tesco literally did wipe me out.
The day after tomorrow is D-Day for the end of treatment. I also have had an appointment through to see my cancer specialist at the end of April. Although I have not had my CT scan date yet I am guessing that this appointment is to give me the results.
I guess the blog will change somewhat over the next week or two. With no more treatment due it will become one about recuperation and my attempts to get back to work, to a proper family life and to some level of fitness. I probably won't post every day from then on. It is already getting difficult to do at times due to inactivity giving me little to write, and the tiredness making it difficult to be too articulate. Still I have preferred this to all the dramas.
So here's to tomorrow being difficult to write about again, and roll on Friday.
Cheers
Tim
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
Little to tell
Tuesday 26th February
This is the kind of day I now like, nothing dramatic, no temperature, no sickness, just a day. The only fly in the ointment at the moment is a stomach upset ( no details I promise ) that I have had for a few days now, caused I think as a side effect of the tami flu I am taking. But this one, as do the other 2 anti biotics I am on, finish tomorrow morning. Then I am free of drug taking apart from the continuing anti sickness. Oh and of course my daily injection. So hardly drug free at all actually!
So nothing else really to report. Decent night's sleep. Walk into the park this morning. Watch tele this afternoon. No sleep during the day today but that is proving a mistake as I now don't feel so good but it is just sheer tiredness, probably overtired in fact ( you can tell I am a parent!! ).
That's it then. Another couple of days like these please.
Cheers
Tim
This is the kind of day I now like, nothing dramatic, no temperature, no sickness, just a day. The only fly in the ointment at the moment is a stomach upset ( no details I promise ) that I have had for a few days now, caused I think as a side effect of the tami flu I am taking. But this one, as do the other 2 anti biotics I am on, finish tomorrow morning. Then I am free of drug taking apart from the continuing anti sickness. Oh and of course my daily injection. So hardly drug free at all actually!
So nothing else really to report. Decent night's sleep. Walk into the park this morning. Watch tele this afternoon. No sleep during the day today but that is proving a mistake as I now don't feel so good but it is just sheer tiredness, probably overtired in fact ( you can tell I am a parent!! ).
That's it then. Another couple of days like these please.
Cheers
Tim
Monday, 25 February 2013
No news is good news?
Monday 25th February
I am hoping that no news today is good news. Lets put it this way, so far today nothing has got any worse and just at the moment I will take that!
A good night's sleep followed by a very quiet uneventful day was probably just what I needed. I literally have not done anything, the day only broken by a walk this afternoon. I have decided for the rest of this week, to remove the threat of catching anything else, I am going to cut my contact with people to a minimum. I just need to get clear of infection until I can fight it properly myself again, which I should start to be able to by next weekend. So the walk was just up Greenhill, Tesco or shopping is off for a few days.
The tiredness caused by the drugs is as bad as it has been at any point. I'm at one of those stages where everything is an effort. The brain can tell the legs to move, to get out of bed or whatever, but the message is not usually received well and things can take some time. It's OK once I get going but not long before I have had enough again. This afternoons little lie down at 4.30 induced immediate sleep for an hour. It still seems like a luxury during the day, however one I can't do without just for now.
That's it for today. To be honest lets hope for the same tomorrow.
Cheers
Tim
I am hoping that no news today is good news. Lets put it this way, so far today nothing has got any worse and just at the moment I will take that!
A good night's sleep followed by a very quiet uneventful day was probably just what I needed. I literally have not done anything, the day only broken by a walk this afternoon. I have decided for the rest of this week, to remove the threat of catching anything else, I am going to cut my contact with people to a minimum. I just need to get clear of infection until I can fight it properly myself again, which I should start to be able to by next weekend. So the walk was just up Greenhill, Tesco or shopping is off for a few days.
The tiredness caused by the drugs is as bad as it has been at any point. I'm at one of those stages where everything is an effort. The brain can tell the legs to move, to get out of bed or whatever, but the message is not usually received well and things can take some time. It's OK once I get going but not long before I have had enough again. This afternoons little lie down at 4.30 induced immediate sleep for an hour. It still seems like a luxury during the day, however one I can't do without just for now.
That's it for today. To be honest lets hope for the same tomorrow.
Cheers
Tim
Sunday, 24 February 2013
Apologies for apologising
Sunday 24th February
Mandy keeps telling me to stop saying sorry. I seem to be apologising to her for everything. When I feel low, when I am sick, when she has to take me to hospital, when I cry, when I can't eat, when I do want to eat and she goes to fetch me something, when she has to sleep in the spare room. The list just goes on and on. It is very difficult for me to see beyond all this being my fault though.
I know full well that there was nothing I could have done to avoid this situation. My cancer is not linked to anything causing it, such as smoking and lung cancer, so it was just bad luck. But when you are down it does not feel like that. All I can see at times is the effect it is having on everyone close to me but especially Mandy, and rational or not I feel to blame.
So to Mandy 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm sorry for apologising so much'.
To everyone reading this I'm sorry that most of the posts lately have been so downbeat and depressing, but I have to write it the way I see it at the time.
Hopefully things will improve during the next week or so. I should turn a corner today and start to pick up slowly again from the last big shot of chemo. The antibiotics should be working better and most actually finish on Tuesday or Wednesday so there is hope yet.
Obviously there is not much to say about today. A very quiet day at home doing nothing. Lovely to be able to have Mand back in our bed last night, the first time we have been together for the night since Monday and I think we both slept better for it.
Cheers
Tim
Mandy keeps telling me to stop saying sorry. I seem to be apologising to her for everything. When I feel low, when I am sick, when she has to take me to hospital, when I cry, when I can't eat, when I do want to eat and she goes to fetch me something, when she has to sleep in the spare room. The list just goes on and on. It is very difficult for me to see beyond all this being my fault though.
I know full well that there was nothing I could have done to avoid this situation. My cancer is not linked to anything causing it, such as smoking and lung cancer, so it was just bad luck. But when you are down it does not feel like that. All I can see at times is the effect it is having on everyone close to me but especially Mandy, and rational or not I feel to blame.
So to Mandy 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm sorry for apologising so much'.
To everyone reading this I'm sorry that most of the posts lately have been so downbeat and depressing, but I have to write it the way I see it at the time.
Hopefully things will improve during the next week or so. I should turn a corner today and start to pick up slowly again from the last big shot of chemo. The antibiotics should be working better and most actually finish on Tuesday or Wednesday so there is hope yet.
Obviously there is not much to say about today. A very quiet day at home doing nothing. Lovely to be able to have Mand back in our bed last night, the first time we have been together for the night since Monday and I think we both slept better for it.
Cheers
Tim
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Temperature again
Saturday 23rd February
Back to me again folks. I suppose that means an improvement in how I feel but I am loathe to say it as every time I do we seem to hit another down turn.
Firstly back to last night after Mandy had already written the blog. About 9.30 Mand took my temperature and it was up to 39 degrees, which is the highest it has been. Another panic call to the hospital ensued. Fortunately as they had already taken blood samples earlier in the day whilst I was there for chemo they knew that my white blood cell count is still OK so I just needed to get the temperature down with paracetamol. Much relief all round and off to bed. Fortunately after a fairly good night's sleep the temperature was back to normal and I feel much better. I can't remember the last time I got up not feeling sick.
Have got through the day OK. Just have to time everything with my drugs ( junkie indeed !! ). I have eaten plenty as well which is a relief.
One more light hearted story from earlier in the week was from my stay at Worcester hospital. When I got onto the ward they brought in a guy and put him in the bed next to me. I'm not sure what he was actually in for but during the time we were there it became almost funny the way he was playing up for the doctors and nurses. When he had visitors he was fine. When he was on the phone he was fine. He wandered off a couple of times and walked fine. However as soon as a doctor was anywhere near there were sudden 'Oohs' and 'Aahs' as if his legs were falling off. At one point he was in 'agony' with a doctor when a nurse came and asked him if he wanted anything to eat. The pain disappeared and he put in a full order, then straight back to moaning and groaning. I do wonder how they ever actually find out what is really wrong with these people.
Anyway back to today. Perhaps a tentative step onwards, not even an exploding window! If anything goes wrong tonight it will now be my fault.
Cheers
Tim
Back to me again folks. I suppose that means an improvement in how I feel but I am loathe to say it as every time I do we seem to hit another down turn.
Firstly back to last night after Mandy had already written the blog. About 9.30 Mand took my temperature and it was up to 39 degrees, which is the highest it has been. Another panic call to the hospital ensued. Fortunately as they had already taken blood samples earlier in the day whilst I was there for chemo they knew that my white blood cell count is still OK so I just needed to get the temperature down with paracetamol. Much relief all round and off to bed. Fortunately after a fairly good night's sleep the temperature was back to normal and I feel much better. I can't remember the last time I got up not feeling sick.
Have got through the day OK. Just have to time everything with my drugs ( junkie indeed !! ). I have eaten plenty as well which is a relief.
One more light hearted story from earlier in the week was from my stay at Worcester hospital. When I got onto the ward they brought in a guy and put him in the bed next to me. I'm not sure what he was actually in for but during the time we were there it became almost funny the way he was playing up for the doctors and nurses. When he had visitors he was fine. When he was on the phone he was fine. He wandered off a couple of times and walked fine. However as soon as a doctor was anywhere near there were sudden 'Oohs' and 'Aahs' as if his legs were falling off. At one point he was in 'agony' with a doctor when a nurse came and asked him if he wanted anything to eat. The pain disappeared and he put in a full order, then straight back to moaning and groaning. I do wonder how they ever actually find out what is really wrong with these people.
Anyway back to today. Perhaps a tentative step onwards, not even an exploding window! If anything goes wrong tonight it will now be my fault.
Cheers
Tim
Friday, 22 February 2013
Friday the new day to hate.
Friday 22nd February
Tim and I commented on the way to the hospital today, after our latest catastrophe, that anyone reading this will think we are starting to make things up for dramatic effect. I promise we aren't and both would really like our lives to return to a mundane everyday routine. We don't want a soap opera type life!
So being top up day we left home to go to the hospital via my Mum's to drop Ben. We left him there and had just pulled back on to the main road when suddenly my drivers side window smashed. It was like someone had shot at us and the window just exploded throwing glass everywhere. I pulled over and I have to admit burst into tears, the stress of the last few days plus now this, pushed me over the top. We had to turn round, head back to Mum's and get a kind guy from the caravan site to take us home to pick up Tim's car. We set off again and apart from an accident near Stratford which caused us to detour to avoid the hold up, we only arrived about 10 minutes late for the appointment. Tim had rung ahead so they did know.
All the nurses in the chemo suite are nice but the one who was assigned to Tim today is very easily distracted and it took her ages to even get round to getting his cannula in. He has made his feelings known before about that particular piece of medical equipment and always tells the nurses that he doesn't like having them put in right at the beginning. This particular nurse just wasn't hearing what he was saying and rushing tried to put it in without warming his hand first to get a good juicy vein up. Consequently she hurt him and had to abort the attempt. She then went and fetched hot water, warming it up properly as he had first asked and got it in no problem. By that time though combined with the journey in, he was really stressed and ending up getting upset and eventually throwing up. Once he was hooked up he calmed a little and the rest of the visit passed without incident.
When we got home again eventually we had had a call from the GP's surgery telling us one of the results from Tuesday's A&E visit meant they wanted him to start taking Tamiflu. So I then had to shoot down to the surgery to get the medication while Tim spoke to Coventry to make sure they were happy with him taking something else, which they were. We have now had to make a chart for all his drugs so he knows what to take when!! I'm living with a junkie.
He is totally wiped out again tonight, so I offered to write again. Everyday I wake up and think today he will be better. So far this week it just hasn't happened... so fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Mandy
Tim and I commented on the way to the hospital today, after our latest catastrophe, that anyone reading this will think we are starting to make things up for dramatic effect. I promise we aren't and both would really like our lives to return to a mundane everyday routine. We don't want a soap opera type life!
So being top up day we left home to go to the hospital via my Mum's to drop Ben. We left him there and had just pulled back on to the main road when suddenly my drivers side window smashed. It was like someone had shot at us and the window just exploded throwing glass everywhere. I pulled over and I have to admit burst into tears, the stress of the last few days plus now this, pushed me over the top. We had to turn round, head back to Mum's and get a kind guy from the caravan site to take us home to pick up Tim's car. We set off again and apart from an accident near Stratford which caused us to detour to avoid the hold up, we only arrived about 10 minutes late for the appointment. Tim had rung ahead so they did know.
All the nurses in the chemo suite are nice but the one who was assigned to Tim today is very easily distracted and it took her ages to even get round to getting his cannula in. He has made his feelings known before about that particular piece of medical equipment and always tells the nurses that he doesn't like having them put in right at the beginning. This particular nurse just wasn't hearing what he was saying and rushing tried to put it in without warming his hand first to get a good juicy vein up. Consequently she hurt him and had to abort the attempt. She then went and fetched hot water, warming it up properly as he had first asked and got it in no problem. By that time though combined with the journey in, he was really stressed and ending up getting upset and eventually throwing up. Once he was hooked up he calmed a little and the rest of the visit passed without incident.
When we got home again eventually we had had a call from the GP's surgery telling us one of the results from Tuesday's A&E visit meant they wanted him to start taking Tamiflu. So I then had to shoot down to the surgery to get the medication while Tim spoke to Coventry to make sure they were happy with him taking something else, which they were. We have now had to make a chart for all his drugs so he knows what to take when!! I'm living with a junkie.
He is totally wiped out again tonight, so I offered to write again. Everyday I wake up and think today he will be better. So far this week it just hasn't happened... so fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Mandy
Thursday, 21 February 2013
A&E
Thursday 21st February
I can safely say the last 48 hours have been some of the worst since treatment started. If you get a temperature of 38 deg or more when you are having chemo it can be very serious. Tuesday night at 10 o'clock mine was 38.4 so off to Worcester A&E. I have a red card as a cancer patient that means they must see me immediately, which they did. I had a small room to myself to isolate me, which seemed fine at first but after 14 hours with barely any sleep I was crawling the walls.
They actually worry because if my white blood cell count has dropped too far then I would not be able to fight whatever has caused the temperature. Not to be too dramatic but it can be fatal so it has to be checked out. My blood cell count was actually OK so I just needed some anti biotics. They told me this at 2.30am but wanted to monitor the temperature so I had to stay. I had very little to drink and nothing to eat during those 14 hours, although as I was sick twice I wasn't hungry.
Just when I thought they would let me go around midday they told me I had a bed on a ward. On the way too the ward I asked the porter what type of ward it was but he didn't know. Now bearing in mind the reason I was there was to make sure if I had any kind of infection it could be dealt with as I might not be able to fight it myself, you can imagine my horror when we arrived and it was the ward for 'infectious diseases'.
At this point I lost all confidence in them and demanded to see a doctor. Despite his reassuring me that I was in the right place I just wanted out so made it very clear. On the ward they seemed not to have a clue what I was there for. Bearing in mind I had gone in because of a high temperature they did not even take mine until I asked for it to be done.
Eventually at 3pm they told us we could go but then took 3 and a half hours to get my anti biotics. I really think they decided to make us wait as we were being awkward in their eyes. I'm even supposed to have my injection for my blood clot every 24 hours at 3pm. We had taken the syringes with us so all they had to do was give it, which takes no more than 30 seconds, but they refused. Their attitude was ' we give injections at 6 o'clock so you can wait'.
All in all I thought the service we received was awful. In future we will put up with the 1 hour drive to Coventry if it is needed.
When we finally got home I felt pretty bad although happy just to be home. I managed a little to eat and then lay down in bed. Mandy took my temperature and it was back up over 38 again. After half an hour of debating what to do we rang Coventry for advice expecting them to tell us to go there. However as my blood count was OK and we had anti biotics they said check in the morning and see then. I think the sheer relief of not having to go sent me straight to the bathroom to be sick!
Mandy very kindly went to the spare bed for the night so that if I could not settle I at least would not be worrying about disturbing her. We are both totally shattered both physically and mentally. Not too bad a night's sleep, very broken but OK. Lots of sickness today but at least the temperature has settled down, so onto tomorrow and another session of chemo. Great.
We both feel that somehow we are being punished for talking about this whole thing being nearly over. Irrational but you can't help it when you are down and tired.
Got to go now as I am flagging badly.
Thanks for reading.
Tim
I can safely say the last 48 hours have been some of the worst since treatment started. If you get a temperature of 38 deg or more when you are having chemo it can be very serious. Tuesday night at 10 o'clock mine was 38.4 so off to Worcester A&E. I have a red card as a cancer patient that means they must see me immediately, which they did. I had a small room to myself to isolate me, which seemed fine at first but after 14 hours with barely any sleep I was crawling the walls.
They actually worry because if my white blood cell count has dropped too far then I would not be able to fight whatever has caused the temperature. Not to be too dramatic but it can be fatal so it has to be checked out. My blood cell count was actually OK so I just needed some anti biotics. They told me this at 2.30am but wanted to monitor the temperature so I had to stay. I had very little to drink and nothing to eat during those 14 hours, although as I was sick twice I wasn't hungry.
Just when I thought they would let me go around midday they told me I had a bed on a ward. On the way too the ward I asked the porter what type of ward it was but he didn't know. Now bearing in mind the reason I was there was to make sure if I had any kind of infection it could be dealt with as I might not be able to fight it myself, you can imagine my horror when we arrived and it was the ward for 'infectious diseases'.
At this point I lost all confidence in them and demanded to see a doctor. Despite his reassuring me that I was in the right place I just wanted out so made it very clear. On the ward they seemed not to have a clue what I was there for. Bearing in mind I had gone in because of a high temperature they did not even take mine until I asked for it to be done.
Eventually at 3pm they told us we could go but then took 3 and a half hours to get my anti biotics. I really think they decided to make us wait as we were being awkward in their eyes. I'm even supposed to have my injection for my blood clot every 24 hours at 3pm. We had taken the syringes with us so all they had to do was give it, which takes no more than 30 seconds, but they refused. Their attitude was ' we give injections at 6 o'clock so you can wait'.
All in all I thought the service we received was awful. In future we will put up with the 1 hour drive to Coventry if it is needed.
When we finally got home I felt pretty bad although happy just to be home. I managed a little to eat and then lay down in bed. Mandy took my temperature and it was back up over 38 again. After half an hour of debating what to do we rang Coventry for advice expecting them to tell us to go there. However as my blood count was OK and we had anti biotics they said check in the morning and see then. I think the sheer relief of not having to go sent me straight to the bathroom to be sick!
Mandy very kindly went to the spare bed for the night so that if I could not settle I at least would not be worrying about disturbing her. We are both totally shattered both physically and mentally. Not too bad a night's sleep, very broken but OK. Lots of sickness today but at least the temperature has settled down, so onto tomorrow and another session of chemo. Great.
We both feel that somehow we are being punished for talking about this whole thing being nearly over. Irrational but you can't help it when you are down and tired.
Got to go now as I am flagging badly.
Thanks for reading.
Tim
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
Late night A&E
Wednesday 20th February
Will let Tim fill in the details tomorrow when he hopefully feels more up to it, but at just gone 10 last night we had to set off for A&E in Worcester. He had been feeling progressively worse as the day went on anyway, but it culminated by him throwing his tea back up literally as soon as he put his knife and fork down. He went up to bed and in checking temperature we found it was 38.2 deg which in post chemo terms is much too high. Conversation with Coventry who wanted us to go there or A&E somewhere. We opted for Worcester as it was closer, in hind sight big mistake. We arrived and waved his red chemo card at receptionist and got taken more or less straight in. They took blood , checked him out and I left around 1am. He rang at 2.30am to say blood levels were OK but were treating him with antibiotics for viral infection.
They left him in side room all night but he got very little sleep. Today has been spent hanging around and him receiving very poor care. He was told he could go home around 3 this afternoon but it was actually gone 6 when we finally left there.
We got back Tim having had very little to eat again, and both of us very stressed and tired.
Taking his temperature again we found it was back over 38 deg but after a conversation with Coventry they told us to see how he was in the morning and thankfully didn't want us to go over.
Another fitful night I fear as I will struggle to relax until this temperature subsides.
Tomorrow can only be better.
Mandy
Will let Tim fill in the details tomorrow when he hopefully feels more up to it, but at just gone 10 last night we had to set off for A&E in Worcester. He had been feeling progressively worse as the day went on anyway, but it culminated by him throwing his tea back up literally as soon as he put his knife and fork down. He went up to bed and in checking temperature we found it was 38.2 deg which in post chemo terms is much too high. Conversation with Coventry who wanted us to go there or A&E somewhere. We opted for Worcester as it was closer, in hind sight big mistake. We arrived and waved his red chemo card at receptionist and got taken more or less straight in. They took blood , checked him out and I left around 1am. He rang at 2.30am to say blood levels were OK but were treating him with antibiotics for viral infection.
They left him in side room all night but he got very little sleep. Today has been spent hanging around and him receiving very poor care. He was told he could go home around 3 this afternoon but it was actually gone 6 when we finally left there.
We got back Tim having had very little to eat again, and both of us very stressed and tired.
Taking his temperature again we found it was back over 38 deg but after a conversation with Coventry they told us to see how he was in the morning and thankfully didn't want us to go over.
Another fitful night I fear as I will struggle to relax until this temperature subsides.
Tomorrow can only be better.
Mandy
Tuesday, 19 February 2013
Under the weather
Tuesday 19th February
Today I feel a little under the weather. Have been blocked up all day and it feels like the start of a cold. I have to keep an eye on my temperature now as any kind of fever can be serious. At the end of the day it is inevitable that I catch something as it is so hard to fight it off but as we are so close to the end it just seems like something else against us.
At least my appetite is OK. I am eating much more than after previous treatments so I have more energy to fight with, not that it actually feels like it but there you go.
Managed a walk to Tesco this morning which was nice on such a beautiful day. It did tire me out though, I pretty much collapsed onto the stairs when I got back.
Nothing much else has happened today. The district nurse came and gave me my injection against blood clots as usual. This does seem to be working though so I will put up with it even though I still hate the needles.
That's it for today. I hope really that I have nothing much to tell for a while, not exciting to read but I could do with a quiet few days!
Cheers
Tim
Today I feel a little under the weather. Have been blocked up all day and it feels like the start of a cold. I have to keep an eye on my temperature now as any kind of fever can be serious. At the end of the day it is inevitable that I catch something as it is so hard to fight it off but as we are so close to the end it just seems like something else against us.
At least my appetite is OK. I am eating much more than after previous treatments so I have more energy to fight with, not that it actually feels like it but there you go.
Managed a walk to Tesco this morning which was nice on such a beautiful day. It did tire me out though, I pretty much collapsed onto the stairs when I got back.
Nothing much else has happened today. The district nurse came and gave me my injection against blood clots as usual. This does seem to be working though so I will put up with it even though I still hate the needles.
That's it for today. I hope really that I have nothing much to tell for a while, not exciting to read but I could do with a quiet few days!
Cheers
Tim
Monday, 18 February 2013
Big step forwards
Monday 18th February
Firstly a big thank you to Mandy for keeping the blog going whilst I had no internet access. I can't believe how much I have come to use the internet to keep up with what is going on. I missed it whilst I couldn't use it. Sad but true.
So back home at last. Got here about 10 o'clock Sunday night, very tired and feeling a bit sick on the way home ( nothing to do with the driving, honest! ) so straight to bed. A few tears from me before settling down but I think it was as much relief as anything. I slept OK but Mandy had to head for the spare bed when my snoring became too much at about 4am. I do hope this goes away again when the chemo finally finishes.
Not too bad a morning either. The appetite is a bit better then before. Started with the obligatory Weetabix for breakfast, but also managed an apple mid morning and soup and bread for lunch. If this can be kept up then hopefully the energy levels will be higher than before.
Obviously this seems like a huge step forward. That should be my last session of having to stay in hospital. I'm going to stay guarded about saying it 'is' my last one and stick with 'should' be. My cancer doctor and my Macmillan nurse are both still confident and making all the right noises but we seem to have had so much bad news it is difficult to get out of expecting bad news. I now just have two outpatient top ups this Friday and the following Friday. Then it is 6 weeks or thereabouts to a CT scan and another two weeks for the results.
The stay in hospital was probably the best and easiest of the three I have had. Having your own room makes the stay so much nicer. Just being able to sleep more is fantastic. As Mandy said my chemo sessions went on later than before, just after midnight on Friday and 2am on Saturday but I did manage to sleep during these so not so bad. Also knowing you are the only one using your loo and shower is nice!!
You don't get to meet as many other patients when you are not on the wards but I did have a chat with a guy called Mark in the dayroom whilst looking for the football scores on the tele. Speaking to others can be a very humbling experience and makes even me in my position realise how lucky you can be. Mark had been mis-diagnosed for a year before finally insisting on paying privately for the scans that found his stomach cancer. The cancer was now pushing on his kidneys damaging them to such an extent that they stopped working recently and he almost died. They now have to get them working properly before he can even start to have chemo on his cancer. Even this, due to the delay, is now too late and is just to extend his life for hopefully about a year. He is a similar age to me and had just achieved the promotion at work that he had been trying for for ages. He then told me that he was getting married that afternoon so as to make things legal and easier for him, his fiancé and daughter. It is all so sad but you really have to admire people's strength and determination when they are fighting what they know will ultimately be a losing battle. Especially when in this case an earlier realisation of the cancer could have saved him.
I have written this quite early today as I imagine I will be very tired tonight. I'm going to try a walk as it is such a beautiful day but it will be a short one.
Cheers
Tim
Firstly a big thank you to Mandy for keeping the blog going whilst I had no internet access. I can't believe how much I have come to use the internet to keep up with what is going on. I missed it whilst I couldn't use it. Sad but true.
So back home at last. Got here about 10 o'clock Sunday night, very tired and feeling a bit sick on the way home ( nothing to do with the driving, honest! ) so straight to bed. A few tears from me before settling down but I think it was as much relief as anything. I slept OK but Mandy had to head for the spare bed when my snoring became too much at about 4am. I do hope this goes away again when the chemo finally finishes.
Not too bad a morning either. The appetite is a bit better then before. Started with the obligatory Weetabix for breakfast, but also managed an apple mid morning and soup and bread for lunch. If this can be kept up then hopefully the energy levels will be higher than before.
Obviously this seems like a huge step forward. That should be my last session of having to stay in hospital. I'm going to stay guarded about saying it 'is' my last one and stick with 'should' be. My cancer doctor and my Macmillan nurse are both still confident and making all the right noises but we seem to have had so much bad news it is difficult to get out of expecting bad news. I now just have two outpatient top ups this Friday and the following Friday. Then it is 6 weeks or thereabouts to a CT scan and another two weeks for the results.
The stay in hospital was probably the best and easiest of the three I have had. Having your own room makes the stay so much nicer. Just being able to sleep more is fantastic. As Mandy said my chemo sessions went on later than before, just after midnight on Friday and 2am on Saturday but I did manage to sleep during these so not so bad. Also knowing you are the only one using your loo and shower is nice!!
You don't get to meet as many other patients when you are not on the wards but I did have a chat with a guy called Mark in the dayroom whilst looking for the football scores on the tele. Speaking to others can be a very humbling experience and makes even me in my position realise how lucky you can be. Mark had been mis-diagnosed for a year before finally insisting on paying privately for the scans that found his stomach cancer. The cancer was now pushing on his kidneys damaging them to such an extent that they stopped working recently and he almost died. They now have to get them working properly before he can even start to have chemo on his cancer. Even this, due to the delay, is now too late and is just to extend his life for hopefully about a year. He is a similar age to me and had just achieved the promotion at work that he had been trying for for ages. He then told me that he was getting married that afternoon so as to make things legal and easier for him, his fiancé and daughter. It is all so sad but you really have to admire people's strength and determination when they are fighting what they know will ultimately be a losing battle. Especially when in this case an earlier realisation of the cancer could have saved him.
I have written this quite early today as I imagine I will be very tired tonight. I'm going to try a walk as it is such a beautiful day but it will be a short one.
Cheers
Tim
Sunday, 17 February 2013
Home time
Sunday 17th February
I'm writing this still at home as I'm not going to the hospital until later. The nurses won't start today's treatment until 3pm so Tim won't be finished till around 9, so pointless me going in too early. He is always tired late afternoon anyway so it is probably better for him just to nap. He didn't finish chemo yesterday until 2am but did say that he managed to sleep while still attached. When we spoke first thing he said that he had slept pretty much the rest of the night after that as well.
He had got out for a walk again this morning and bought a paper then sat on a bench and managed to read a little before he got too cold. Will have been the sports supplement I imagine! This trip inside has definitely been the best, despite the late hours, mostly as he has kept his room so wasn't as disturbed by the other patients. The fact that it is the last big one too has made him more relaxed and less anxious once he was actually underway. Just need to get him back tonight now and I think we will both breathe a huge sign of relief that this final major session is out of the way.
Output he tells me has increased at the moment so hopefully no more hold ups with extra saline and water tablets today.
Hope to hand blog back over tomorrow if he feels well enough.
Mandy
I'm writing this still at home as I'm not going to the hospital until later. The nurses won't start today's treatment until 3pm so Tim won't be finished till around 9, so pointless me going in too early. He is always tired late afternoon anyway so it is probably better for him just to nap. He didn't finish chemo yesterday until 2am but did say that he managed to sleep while still attached. When we spoke first thing he said that he had slept pretty much the rest of the night after that as well.
He had got out for a walk again this morning and bought a paper then sat on a bench and managed to read a little before he got too cold. Will have been the sports supplement I imagine! This trip inside has definitely been the best, despite the late hours, mostly as he has kept his room so wasn't as disturbed by the other patients. The fact that it is the last big one too has made him more relaxed and less anxious once he was actually underway. Just need to get him back tonight now and I think we will both breathe a huge sign of relief that this final major session is out of the way.
Output he tells me has increased at the moment so hopefully no more hold ups with extra saline and water tablets today.
Hope to hand blog back over tomorrow if he feels well enough.
Mandy
Saturday, 16 February 2013
Insufficient output
Saturday 16th February
Tim is still unable to get online and short of hanging out of a window or sitting on the end of someone else's bed he has had to leave the blog to me again.
He called me first thing to say he had had a reasonably good nights sleep, for hospital anyway. As he said the treatment didn't finish till gone midnight, then they woke him again at 3am to take his blood pressure, then the cleaner comes round to change the bin bag at 7 and so on. Not conducive to getting a full 8 hours. His appetite is waning but much better than this time last treatment and when I went in at lunch time with some rolls he ate them both, albeit slowly. The extra anti-sickness is definitely contributing to this which is good, anything that helps him to eat and keep his strength up has a thumbs up from me.
We even managed to go for a stroll outside for a few minutes this afternoon which was break from the ward for him. He had managed to break out this morning too so has had a double dose of fresh air today. Added excitement to the walk was the fact that an air ambulance was just about to take off. Have to admit we stood and watched and sadly took photos to show Ben, although the days when he was impressed by that sort of thing have sadly passed! All the times we have been to the hospital and that was actually the first time we have seen any activity on the helipad. As I left another had just landed so we got our quota of sightings all in one day.
And now to the reason for today's title. He rang me a little while ago to say they were having to give him extra saline and a water tablet as he wasn't weeing enough. They like you to pass out as much as has gone in and so far today he has managed feeble amounts. The chemo can damage the kidneys so they like them to be flushed through hence all the saline at the beginning and end of sessions. It's a pain this happening as it puts his treatment back further so means he will be even later finishing tonight, and also tomorrow. Hopefully output will soon increase and he can have a go at exceeding his record of 1 ltr in one go....even I was impressed with that!!
Still in private room at the moment, fingers crossed that he keeps it tonight too. If all emergencies can just hang on until we leave tomorrow night please!
Mandy
Tim is still unable to get online and short of hanging out of a window or sitting on the end of someone else's bed he has had to leave the blog to me again.
He called me first thing to say he had had a reasonably good nights sleep, for hospital anyway. As he said the treatment didn't finish till gone midnight, then they woke him again at 3am to take his blood pressure, then the cleaner comes round to change the bin bag at 7 and so on. Not conducive to getting a full 8 hours. His appetite is waning but much better than this time last treatment and when I went in at lunch time with some rolls he ate them both, albeit slowly. The extra anti-sickness is definitely contributing to this which is good, anything that helps him to eat and keep his strength up has a thumbs up from me.
We even managed to go for a stroll outside for a few minutes this afternoon which was break from the ward for him. He had managed to break out this morning too so has had a double dose of fresh air today. Added excitement to the walk was the fact that an air ambulance was just about to take off. Have to admit we stood and watched and sadly took photos to show Ben, although the days when he was impressed by that sort of thing have sadly passed! All the times we have been to the hospital and that was actually the first time we have seen any activity on the helipad. As I left another had just landed so we got our quota of sightings all in one day.
And now to the reason for today's title. He rang me a little while ago to say they were having to give him extra saline and a water tablet as he wasn't weeing enough. They like you to pass out as much as has gone in and so far today he has managed feeble amounts. The chemo can damage the kidneys so they like them to be flushed through hence all the saline at the beginning and end of sessions. It's a pain this happening as it puts his treatment back further so means he will be even later finishing tonight, and also tomorrow. Hopefully output will soon increase and he can have a go at exceeding his record of 1 ltr in one go....even I was impressed with that!!
Still in private room at the moment, fingers crossed that he keeps it tonight too. If all emergencies can just hang on until we leave tomorrow night please!
Mandy
Friday, 15 February 2013
Final leg...finally!
Friday 15th February
After another morning spent hanging around waiting for the call to say a bed was free, they finally called just before 1pm. I think we had both almost resigned ourselves to the fact it wasn't happening again today either. We got there at 2pm but Tim didn't actually get plugged in until 4 so it will be a late finish tonight. I'm very grateful that the nurse who eventually put the cannula in today hadn't been let loose with him before. It's the bit he hates more than anything and she bodged the first attempt and had to go for another vein. If the first few sessions had began like that I would never have got him to go back! Anyway last major session is now underway and Sunday night can't come round quick enough. Only good thing at the moment is he has a private room again, long may that last and at least it is one decent nights sleep hopefully. One bad thing is he has no internet signal this time, must be where he is in the hospital I think as he is down at the other end of the ward from last time.
So Friday will now be top up day for the last two sessions as everything has shifted on a day. We saw the consultant again today as he was doing his rounds but he didn't have anything new to say. They weighed Tim again as they do every time he is admitted and he has lost a little more weight but nothing they seem too concerned with. Personally I will be very glad when his appetite comes back and his tastebuds start to return so I can start to spoil him again with food. Ben won't be so pleased as there won't be quite as much going for seconds as there has been!
I imagine it will be me again tomorrow unless an internet miracle occurs for him.
Mandy
After another morning spent hanging around waiting for the call to say a bed was free, they finally called just before 1pm. I think we had both almost resigned ourselves to the fact it wasn't happening again today either. We got there at 2pm but Tim didn't actually get plugged in until 4 so it will be a late finish tonight. I'm very grateful that the nurse who eventually put the cannula in today hadn't been let loose with him before. It's the bit he hates more than anything and she bodged the first attempt and had to go for another vein. If the first few sessions had began like that I would never have got him to go back! Anyway last major session is now underway and Sunday night can't come round quick enough. Only good thing at the moment is he has a private room again, long may that last and at least it is one decent nights sleep hopefully. One bad thing is he has no internet signal this time, must be where he is in the hospital I think as he is down at the other end of the ward from last time.
So Friday will now be top up day for the last two sessions as everything has shifted on a day. We saw the consultant again today as he was doing his rounds but he didn't have anything new to say. They weighed Tim again as they do every time he is admitted and he has lost a little more weight but nothing they seem too concerned with. Personally I will be very glad when his appetite comes back and his tastebuds start to return so I can start to spoil him again with food. Ben won't be so pleased as there won't be quite as much going for seconds as there has been!
I imagine it will be me again tomorrow unless an internet miracle occurs for him.
Mandy
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Wasted day
Thursday 14th February
This is going to be short today as it has been a complete waste of time. Started phoning to try to get a bed at ten to nine this morning and basically did nothing else until finally giving up around 2 o'clock this afternoon. You dare not go out or do anything major as they may call you back at any moment, but not today.
The other problem I had was that I needed my anti blood clot injection and was relying on the hospital to provide it. Fortunately the district nurse came to my rescue and managed to get a shot from the dispensary and get here to administer it on time.
Went for a walk this afternoon once I knew for sure. Only into town but did have a stop off at Uncle Colin's house. I was even allowed into his Aladdin's Cave, what a treat and what a great guy he is.
Not much else to tell really, we just have to start again tomorrow morning and hope for the best.
Still as it is Valentine's Day I am now at home so can do something with Mandy. Oh except I have just remembered skittles so maybe another day when the prices are not such a rip off.
Cheers until tomorrow.
Tim
This is going to be short today as it has been a complete waste of time. Started phoning to try to get a bed at ten to nine this morning and basically did nothing else until finally giving up around 2 o'clock this afternoon. You dare not go out or do anything major as they may call you back at any moment, but not today.
The other problem I had was that I needed my anti blood clot injection and was relying on the hospital to provide it. Fortunately the district nurse came to my rescue and managed to get a shot from the dispensary and get here to administer it on time.
Went for a walk this afternoon once I knew for sure. Only into town but did have a stop off at Uncle Colin's house. I was even allowed into his Aladdin's Cave, what a treat and what a great guy he is.
Not much else to tell really, we just have to start again tomorrow morning and hope for the best.
Still as it is Valentine's Day I am now at home so can do something with Mandy. Oh except I have just remembered skittles so maybe another day when the prices are not such a rip off.
Cheers until tomorrow.
Tim
Wednesday, 13 February 2013
A day under Pooh
Wednesday 13th February
Today was always going to be a difficult day, everyone knows that I dread what is coming tomorrow. Knowing it should be the last major shot of chemo is not really helping. It will do come Saturday night when I am back home and it is over but not just yet.
So I have pretty much just hidden myself away. I have been very tired all day, although I'm not quite sure if this was actual tiredness or just lack of anything to do leaving me idle. So late this morning I had a brief sleep, lying on top of our quilt but using the spare one with the Winnie the Pooh cover, hence today's post title. After lunch it was back to bed for a couple of hours. I did manage a trip to my second home at Tesco but by the time I got back I had a headache so took some tablets and back under Pooh until tea time.
Nice curry for tea followed by pancakes, a day late I know but Mandy teaches at college on a Tuesday so it had to be moved on a day.
Hopefully I will be able to post tomorrow from hospital but if not I am sure Mandy will take up the mantle.
Wish me luck.
Tim
Today was always going to be a difficult day, everyone knows that I dread what is coming tomorrow. Knowing it should be the last major shot of chemo is not really helping. It will do come Saturday night when I am back home and it is over but not just yet.
So I have pretty much just hidden myself away. I have been very tired all day, although I'm not quite sure if this was actual tiredness or just lack of anything to do leaving me idle. So late this morning I had a brief sleep, lying on top of our quilt but using the spare one with the Winnie the Pooh cover, hence today's post title. After lunch it was back to bed for a couple of hours. I did manage a trip to my second home at Tesco but by the time I got back I had a headache so took some tablets and back under Pooh until tea time.
Nice curry for tea followed by pancakes, a day late I know but Mandy teaches at college on a Tuesday so it had to be moved on a day.
Hopefully I will be able to post tomorrow from hospital but if not I am sure Mandy will take up the mantle.
Wish me luck.
Tim
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
Crying - the best medicine
Tuesday 12th February
Last night has been coming for a few days. Having been so tired and down for a bit I could feel my emotions building and could see the same happening to Mandy. Last night I went upstairs to run myself a bath but could tell I was on the edge, so took myself off to the bedroom. By the time Mandy came in I was in full flow of tears so she joined me for a hug and joint crying session. We both agreed today that it did us some good as we had both been bottling it up. Best just to get it out sometimes.
Whether it was due to this or that I was just plain exhausted, I had the best night's sleep I've had in a while.
Today therefore has been a much better day. I had to go to the hospital in Coventry for my pre chemo blood test and for them to do a scan on the veins in my leg. The blood test was OK so we are good to go on Thursday for the last major session, so long as they can find me a bed. The scan on my leg however showed that I actually do have a deep vein problem so I have to continue with my anti blood clot injections for the next 6 to 7 weeks at least. Oh joy!!
I managed to fit in an hour at work on my way to hospital which is always good. So nice to concentrate on something else for a while.
I have also been able to eat properly for the first time in days, with no feeling of sickness. Happy days. Shame I start again on Thursday and know that the appetite will disappear straight away.
Cheers for now.
Tim
Last night has been coming for a few days. Having been so tired and down for a bit I could feel my emotions building and could see the same happening to Mandy. Last night I went upstairs to run myself a bath but could tell I was on the edge, so took myself off to the bedroom. By the time Mandy came in I was in full flow of tears so she joined me for a hug and joint crying session. We both agreed today that it did us some good as we had both been bottling it up. Best just to get it out sometimes.
Whether it was due to this or that I was just plain exhausted, I had the best night's sleep I've had in a while.
Today therefore has been a much better day. I had to go to the hospital in Coventry for my pre chemo blood test and for them to do a scan on the veins in my leg. The blood test was OK so we are good to go on Thursday for the last major session, so long as they can find me a bed. The scan on my leg however showed that I actually do have a deep vein problem so I have to continue with my anti blood clot injections for the next 6 to 7 weeks at least. Oh joy!!
I managed to fit in an hour at work on my way to hospital which is always good. So nice to concentrate on something else for a while.
I have also been able to eat properly for the first time in days, with no feeling of sickness. Happy days. Shame I start again on Thursday and know that the appetite will disappear straight away.
Cheers for now.
Tim
Monday, 11 February 2013
Quiet recovery
Monday 11th February
I am writing this very brassed off because I have just written it once and then managed to delete it before I posted it. So here we go again.
The intention today was to have a very quiet day to try to get past this awful tiredness. Pretty much managed it as well. Not a bad night's sleep although could have been better, followed by doing absolutely nothing all morning except the washing up. After lunch I went for a walk as I had not left the house yesterday. This tired me out so back to bed for a couple of hours.
Nothing seems to be working though. I am now sat here at nearly 8 o'clock feeling like all I want to do is go back to bed.
Eating is being difficult again at the moment. Just the thought of food turns my stomach but I am forcing it down as I need the energy. The same is going for drinking too.
Both Mandy and I are getting frustrated at this turn of events. I keep apologising to Mand as I just feel so useless. She just wants to be able to do anything to make me better but there really isn't anything. She can at least usually cook for me or spoil me but when I am so tired and not eating even this is no good. I know that some of this problem is caused by my fear of this coming Thursday and going back into hospital. I know I should put it out of my mind but it is easier said than done.
As I said to Mandy last night though, in 17 days time my treatment will be finished. I cannot bring myself to believe that it will be an end to this nightmare though, every time I have expected good news so far we have just been hit with more bad. Surely our luck will change soon.
That's it for tonight as I am struggling to concentrate now.
Cheers
Tim
I am writing this very brassed off because I have just written it once and then managed to delete it before I posted it. So here we go again.
The intention today was to have a very quiet day to try to get past this awful tiredness. Pretty much managed it as well. Not a bad night's sleep although could have been better, followed by doing absolutely nothing all morning except the washing up. After lunch I went for a walk as I had not left the house yesterday. This tired me out so back to bed for a couple of hours.
Nothing seems to be working though. I am now sat here at nearly 8 o'clock feeling like all I want to do is go back to bed.
Eating is being difficult again at the moment. Just the thought of food turns my stomach but I am forcing it down as I need the energy. The same is going for drinking too.
Both Mandy and I are getting frustrated at this turn of events. I keep apologising to Mand as I just feel so useless. She just wants to be able to do anything to make me better but there really isn't anything. She can at least usually cook for me or spoil me but when I am so tired and not eating even this is no good. I know that some of this problem is caused by my fear of this coming Thursday and going back into hospital. I know I should put it out of my mind but it is easier said than done.
As I said to Mandy last night though, in 17 days time my treatment will be finished. I cannot bring myself to believe that it will be an end to this nightmare though, every time I have expected good news so far we have just been hit with more bad. Surely our luck will change soon.
That's it for tonight as I am struggling to concentrate now.
Cheers
Tim
Sunday, 10 February 2013
A hard lesson learnt
Sunday 10th February
The last few days have taught me quite a harsh lesson. I have definitely overdone it and have paid the price, particularly yesterday and again today. It has showed me that even when I feel OK I must not try to carry on as if everything was back to normal, but must still take it easy. The last two days I have felt pretty awful and all for the sake of a couple of trips out that I need not have done.
It seems like I have taken a step backwards having felt so good on Thursday and Friday. When that happens without it being due to a treatment it is hard to take mentally. I wanted to have a good run up to the final stay in hospital knowing that this one is really going to knock me down hard. I have a feeling that I am already starting to get wound up about the coming session as well which is not helping.
Last night I did not sleep well despite being so tired. I hadn't managed to eat in the evening as I could not face food and probably didn't drink enough either. For some reason I seem to get blocked up at night which makes me snore sometimes and also to wake myself up with a kind of 'snorting'. Obviously this also disturbs Mandy which I am very conscious of, so about 12.30 after having woken up several times ( both myself and Mandy ) I removed myself to the sofa downstairs. I watched a little tele in order to try to drink a little but then managed to sleep until 5.30, from which time I dozed until 7.30 and everyone else was awake. I took a cup of tea up for everyone and went back to bed. Again dozed until 10 o'clock when I decided to have breakfast. Unfortunately getting up did not go well as I had to head straight to the bathroom to be sick. I am convinced that the sickness I have in mornings is connected to the being blocked up that makes me snore.
I still managed breakfast almost straight after being sick, weird but true. My head was thumping by this time so back to bed with a migraine tablet. I basically didn't get out of bed again until gone 3 this afternoon apart from a brief get up for the district nurse to give me my anti blood clot injection.
This is one bright point amidst the gloom of the moment, my leg at last seems to be almost better. Occasional pain but on the whole I can walk normally again. The district nurse is very nice as well, not at all Gladys Emmanuel, and very quick and efficient at the injections.
Finally got up this afternoon and managed a little lunch, and was cheered up greatly by watching England beat the Irish in the Rugby. One of my nurses when I have to stay in hospital is a huge Irish rugby fan so I shall enjoy that at least when I am in.
I am now quite comfy with the loss of hair from my head, apart from the fact of feeling the cold! It has been a bit strange as I first noticed hair loss from under my arms and from 'another area' shall we say. Then the hair started going from my head but seemed to stop falling out from anywhere else. Now my head is bald but all my other body hair is OK, arms legs etc. Even my eyebrows have survived which is good as this makes me look much better. Mandy was threatening to varnish them on but hopefully that won't be needed now. The only place I wish it had gone from but it hasn't is the back of my hands as this is where they stick down the cannula... and then rip the plaster off again! Some of the nurses take great pleasure from that too.
It is only approaching 6.30 but I am wilting again so I am going to finish now.
Cheers until tomorrow.
Tim
The last few days have taught me quite a harsh lesson. I have definitely overdone it and have paid the price, particularly yesterday and again today. It has showed me that even when I feel OK I must not try to carry on as if everything was back to normal, but must still take it easy. The last two days I have felt pretty awful and all for the sake of a couple of trips out that I need not have done.
It seems like I have taken a step backwards having felt so good on Thursday and Friday. When that happens without it being due to a treatment it is hard to take mentally. I wanted to have a good run up to the final stay in hospital knowing that this one is really going to knock me down hard. I have a feeling that I am already starting to get wound up about the coming session as well which is not helping.
Last night I did not sleep well despite being so tired. I hadn't managed to eat in the evening as I could not face food and probably didn't drink enough either. For some reason I seem to get blocked up at night which makes me snore sometimes and also to wake myself up with a kind of 'snorting'. Obviously this also disturbs Mandy which I am very conscious of, so about 12.30 after having woken up several times ( both myself and Mandy ) I removed myself to the sofa downstairs. I watched a little tele in order to try to drink a little but then managed to sleep until 5.30, from which time I dozed until 7.30 and everyone else was awake. I took a cup of tea up for everyone and went back to bed. Again dozed until 10 o'clock when I decided to have breakfast. Unfortunately getting up did not go well as I had to head straight to the bathroom to be sick. I am convinced that the sickness I have in mornings is connected to the being blocked up that makes me snore.
I still managed breakfast almost straight after being sick, weird but true. My head was thumping by this time so back to bed with a migraine tablet. I basically didn't get out of bed again until gone 3 this afternoon apart from a brief get up for the district nurse to give me my anti blood clot injection.
This is one bright point amidst the gloom of the moment, my leg at last seems to be almost better. Occasional pain but on the whole I can walk normally again. The district nurse is very nice as well, not at all Gladys Emmanuel, and very quick and efficient at the injections.
Finally got up this afternoon and managed a little lunch, and was cheered up greatly by watching England beat the Irish in the Rugby. One of my nurses when I have to stay in hospital is a huge Irish rugby fan so I shall enjoy that at least when I am in.
I am now quite comfy with the loss of hair from my head, apart from the fact of feeling the cold! It has been a bit strange as I first noticed hair loss from under my arms and from 'another area' shall we say. Then the hair started going from my head but seemed to stop falling out from anywhere else. Now my head is bald but all my other body hair is OK, arms legs etc. Even my eyebrows have survived which is good as this makes me look much better. Mandy was threatening to varnish them on but hopefully that won't be needed now. The only place I wish it had gone from but it hasn't is the back of my hands as this is where they stick down the cannula... and then rip the plaster off again! Some of the nurses take great pleasure from that too.
It is only approaching 6.30 but I am wilting again so I am going to finish now.
Cheers until tomorrow.
Tim
Saturday, 9 February 2013
Still exhausted
Saturday 9th February
I'm still totally exhausted today, I just can't seem to shake it off at all. Slept really well last night and didn't get up until nearly 9 o'clock this morning but it hasn't made much difference.
I had a quiet morning, only a quick trip to Tesco ( again! ) and a bit of housework. My brother and his wife came to visit which is really nice as we haven't seen them for ages. Unfortunately I was so tired I had to retreat to bed for a bit after lunch. I managed to drag myself out for a bit later but now am just tired out lying on the sofa feeling pretty dreadful. You know you are all over the place when you feel like crying when watching Nanny McPhee. Oh for Christ's sake!!!
Going to finish now as I just don't have the energy to even think. This has taken ages as it is. A very quiet day tomorrow is planned.
Cheers
Tim
I'm still totally exhausted today, I just can't seem to shake it off at all. Slept really well last night and didn't get up until nearly 9 o'clock this morning but it hasn't made much difference.
I had a quiet morning, only a quick trip to Tesco ( again! ) and a bit of housework. My brother and his wife came to visit which is really nice as we haven't seen them for ages. Unfortunately I was so tired I had to retreat to bed for a bit after lunch. I managed to drag myself out for a bit later but now am just tired out lying on the sofa feeling pretty dreadful. You know you are all over the place when you feel like crying when watching Nanny McPhee. Oh for Christ's sake!!!
Going to finish now as I just don't have the energy to even think. This has taken ages as it is. A very quiet day tomorrow is planned.
Cheers
Tim
Friday, 8 February 2013
Overdoing it
Friday 8th February
The last couple of days have caught up with me big time today. Having been to work on Wednesday and then the chemo top up yesterday, which did not effect me immediately so I felt OK to pop out last night. I then did not sleep very well last night and woke quite early this morning. I took Mandy's Mum up to Twyford garden centre this morning and had to go into town to fetch a prescription. We then went to Tesco and had lunch. My intention was then to have a good sleep this afternoon. Unfortunately it took me a while to drop off, probably about ten to two. The district nurse was due at half past two for my injection so Mandy woke me up after only 40 minutes sleep. Of course she was then nearly an hour late so I could have slept on.
We went out to a friends house for tea which was really nice but I'm not sure quite how I stayed awake. Food did revive me a little but now that we are home all I want to do is hit the sack so I'm afraid that's going to be it for now.
Busy day again tomorrow as my brother is coming to visit so I will have to be careful not to do too much again. I'm sure they will understand if I have to crash for a while after lunch.
Cheers
Tim
The last couple of days have caught up with me big time today. Having been to work on Wednesday and then the chemo top up yesterday, which did not effect me immediately so I felt OK to pop out last night. I then did not sleep very well last night and woke quite early this morning. I took Mandy's Mum up to Twyford garden centre this morning and had to go into town to fetch a prescription. We then went to Tesco and had lunch. My intention was then to have a good sleep this afternoon. Unfortunately it took me a while to drop off, probably about ten to two. The district nurse was due at half past two for my injection so Mandy woke me up after only 40 minutes sleep. Of course she was then nearly an hour late so I could have slept on.
We went out to a friends house for tea which was really nice but I'm not sure quite how I stayed awake. Food did revive me a little but now that we are home all I want to do is hit the sack so I'm afraid that's going to be it for now.
Busy day again tomorrow as my brother is coming to visit so I will have to be careful not to do too much again. I'm sure they will understand if I have to crash for a while after lunch.
Cheers
Tim
Thursday, 7 February 2013
Two thirds done
Thursday 7th February
Back to the hospital today for another top up of chemo. That is officially two thirds of the way through as the second session is done. Chemo went OK although very slow as they got behind this morning and were struggling to catch up. Should start at 2 and be done by 3.30 to 4 o'clock but we didn't get out of there until quarter past 5.
Part of the reason for this was still the on going problem with my leg. My Macmillan nurse said I should perhaps see a doctor again and fortunately the same one who saw me last week was there again. He thinks that the phlebitis is probably OK now but that I may have a blood clot. Treatment is an injection in your stomach. He wanted to know if I would do it myself if they showed me how. I think that the speed of the colour draining from my face gave him the answer. I do not do needles. I cannot watch when they are being used let alone do it myself. So they did today's and I need the district nurse to come round each day for the rest. Total wuss I know but there you go. I need a scan to see if this is the problem but he thought he would start the treatment anyway as that is what he thought it was. Sadist!
Going out to skittles for a while tonight just to try to get some normality and see some friends.
King Billy is back at Forest today. A good piece of news to cheer me up a bit. One for the football fans!
Another day done. Another day nearer the end.
Cheers
Tim
Back to the hospital today for another top up of chemo. That is officially two thirds of the way through as the second session is done. Chemo went OK although very slow as they got behind this morning and were struggling to catch up. Should start at 2 and be done by 3.30 to 4 o'clock but we didn't get out of there until quarter past 5.
Part of the reason for this was still the on going problem with my leg. My Macmillan nurse said I should perhaps see a doctor again and fortunately the same one who saw me last week was there again. He thinks that the phlebitis is probably OK now but that I may have a blood clot. Treatment is an injection in your stomach. He wanted to know if I would do it myself if they showed me how. I think that the speed of the colour draining from my face gave him the answer. I do not do needles. I cannot watch when they are being used let alone do it myself. So they did today's and I need the district nurse to come round each day for the rest. Total wuss I know but there you go. I need a scan to see if this is the problem but he thought he would start the treatment anyway as that is what he thought it was. Sadist!
Going out to skittles for a while tonight just to try to get some normality and see some friends.
King Billy is back at Forest today. A good piece of news to cheer me up a bit. One for the football fans!
Another day done. Another day nearer the end.
Cheers
Tim
Wednesday, 6 February 2013
Work
Wednesday 6th February
A pretty good day today. Not much early this morning but managed to do about 4 hours at work from 11.30. Great to put my mind to things other than the illness, because no matter how far we have come through this it still fills my every thought unless I can be distracted. The first thought of the morning to the last one at night. Work was great but it once again just made me realise how much I am missing it, and how much there is there for me to do there. I'm now all the more determined to get in as much as possible and get back to regular work as soon as possible when the treatment is finished.
It has however left me very tired tonight and remains to be seen what effect it will have tomorrow, so I guess I may yet have to rein in my enthusiasm.
Still having problems with my leg. Getting fed up with it now as it has been over a week since I first saw the doctor about it. I will talk to him at my chemo session about it again tomorrow.
Cheers for now.
Tim
A pretty good day today. Not much early this morning but managed to do about 4 hours at work from 11.30. Great to put my mind to things other than the illness, because no matter how far we have come through this it still fills my every thought unless I can be distracted. The first thought of the morning to the last one at night. Work was great but it once again just made me realise how much I am missing it, and how much there is there for me to do there. I'm now all the more determined to get in as much as possible and get back to regular work as soon as possible when the treatment is finished.
It has however left me very tired tonight and remains to be seen what effect it will have tomorrow, so I guess I may yet have to rein in my enthusiasm.
Still having problems with my leg. Getting fed up with it now as it has been over a week since I first saw the doctor about it. I will talk to him at my chemo session about it again tomorrow.
Cheers for now.
Tim
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
Timeline
Tuesday 5th February
A few people have asked recently about dates and when I can get back to work or start running again so I thought I would just list it out.
Thursday 7th Feb - 1 hour chemo top-up.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday 14th, 15th, 16th Feb - Stay in hospital for major chemo shot.
Thursday 21st Feb - 1 hour chemo top-up.
Thursday 28th Feb - 1 hour chemo top-up.
These are prospective dates but should happen.
I have to then wait about 6 weeks before I get a CT scan to see if the chemo has done it's job. Then it's either celebrate or I can't contemplate the alternative.
From early / the middle of March my priority will be to start to get back to work on some sort of regular basis. As I understand it the tiredness will still be quite bad at this point so it will probably have to be a part time start, but I can't wait.
As far as running is concerned I doubt I will start in anger until the beginning of April, giving me 6 weeks until the Tewkesbury Half. Anything I manage before April will just be general fitness.
Ok so there is the plan.
Today was a quiet day, tired as usual but not too bad. Tomorrow I am going into work for a bit so I'm looking forward to that.
Cheers for now.
Tim
A few people have asked recently about dates and when I can get back to work or start running again so I thought I would just list it out.
Thursday 7th Feb - 1 hour chemo top-up.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday 14th, 15th, 16th Feb - Stay in hospital for major chemo shot.
Thursday 21st Feb - 1 hour chemo top-up.
Thursday 28th Feb - 1 hour chemo top-up.
These are prospective dates but should happen.
I have to then wait about 6 weeks before I get a CT scan to see if the chemo has done it's job. Then it's either celebrate or I can't contemplate the alternative.
From early / the middle of March my priority will be to start to get back to work on some sort of regular basis. As I understand it the tiredness will still be quite bad at this point so it will probably have to be a part time start, but I can't wait.
As far as running is concerned I doubt I will start in anger until the beginning of April, giving me 6 weeks until the Tewkesbury Half. Anything I manage before April will just be general fitness.
Ok so there is the plan.
Today was a quiet day, tired as usual but not too bad. Tomorrow I am going into work for a bit so I'm looking forward to that.
Cheers for now.
Tim
Monday, 4 February 2013
What is normal?
Monday 4th February
I felt I had to write about my 'normal' days yesterday and today. There is a difference between a normal day before I had this inconvenient illness and now that I do.
The good night's sleep is pretty much the same, only that I have to be careful not to lie with any pressure on my bad leg. Talking of which I put yesterday that it was a bit better, which is true but for instance after we had been watching television in the evening, sitting with my leg up not really moving for an hour, it is still very painful when you first move. Added to that it is OK when walking around but you only have to stand still for about ten seconds before the pain comes.
There was no sickness yesterday but after taking my anti-biotics I still lie there wondering if it will come when I stand up, as that is when it has come the previous mornings.
I also put yesterday that I had been in the garden for an hour. Perfectly normal except for a couple of things. I have to remember to put on gloves which I normally would not bother with, but the risk from getting a scratch infected is just too great. Also I had to stop when I realised that whilst pulling up some weeds my arms were actually shaking, not from cold but from the effort required. The tiredness hits really quickly, from OK to exhausted in a moment. I had to come in and just sit down straight away and do absolutely nothing for half an hour.
I have to admit that going to Mandy's mum's for lunch is pretty normal, except for the lack of taste buds that I have at the moment. Shame as she is a good cook. The only different thing is that it is too painful to sit at the table for long so I have to keep getting up and walking around. Unfortunately this means I have to help clear the dishes!!
The trip to Stratford was relatively OK. I have no enthusiasm for shopping, which is actually unusual for me. Ben did manage to spend his HMV voucher so job done there. He bought a rather excellent Slipknot CD which I am listening to at the moment. Thank God the chemo has not changed my music taste which obviously is excellent.
Other small niggles are there also. I keep having nosebleeds. They are only small, nothing to worry about but will not heel due to the drugs so every time I blow my nose hard it happens again. I also have a slightly upset stomach ( no details I promise ) but this is a side effect of the anti-biotics. Why do all the things I take to make one thing better make something else worse?
So bearing all this in mind I have had another normal day today. 'Uncle' Colin came round to see me today for a catch up which was good. This afternoon I had a 'haircut' so I am now completely bald, but still devastatingly handsome. Quick trip to Tesco for bread.
That's about it for today. Here's to more 'normality' tomorrow.
Cheers
Tim
I felt I had to write about my 'normal' days yesterday and today. There is a difference between a normal day before I had this inconvenient illness and now that I do.
The good night's sleep is pretty much the same, only that I have to be careful not to lie with any pressure on my bad leg. Talking of which I put yesterday that it was a bit better, which is true but for instance after we had been watching television in the evening, sitting with my leg up not really moving for an hour, it is still very painful when you first move. Added to that it is OK when walking around but you only have to stand still for about ten seconds before the pain comes.
There was no sickness yesterday but after taking my anti-biotics I still lie there wondering if it will come when I stand up, as that is when it has come the previous mornings.
I also put yesterday that I had been in the garden for an hour. Perfectly normal except for a couple of things. I have to remember to put on gloves which I normally would not bother with, but the risk from getting a scratch infected is just too great. Also I had to stop when I realised that whilst pulling up some weeds my arms were actually shaking, not from cold but from the effort required. The tiredness hits really quickly, from OK to exhausted in a moment. I had to come in and just sit down straight away and do absolutely nothing for half an hour.
I have to admit that going to Mandy's mum's for lunch is pretty normal, except for the lack of taste buds that I have at the moment. Shame as she is a good cook. The only different thing is that it is too painful to sit at the table for long so I have to keep getting up and walking around. Unfortunately this means I have to help clear the dishes!!
The trip to Stratford was relatively OK. I have no enthusiasm for shopping, which is actually unusual for me. Ben did manage to spend his HMV voucher so job done there. He bought a rather excellent Slipknot CD which I am listening to at the moment. Thank God the chemo has not changed my music taste which obviously is excellent.
Other small niggles are there also. I keep having nosebleeds. They are only small, nothing to worry about but will not heel due to the drugs so every time I blow my nose hard it happens again. I also have a slightly upset stomach ( no details I promise ) but this is a side effect of the anti-biotics. Why do all the things I take to make one thing better make something else worse?
So bearing all this in mind I have had another normal day today. 'Uncle' Colin came round to see me today for a catch up which was good. This afternoon I had a 'haircut' so I am now completely bald, but still devastatingly handsome. Quick trip to Tesco for bread.
That's about it for today. Here's to more 'normality' tomorrow.
Cheers
Tim
Sunday, 3 February 2013
A normal day - bloody marvelous
Sunday 3rd February
I know this is a boring post today because it has just been a perfectly normal ordinary day. Boring to you but bloody music to my ears.
Good night's sleep. No sickness this morning, first time in four days. Leg a bit better again. Blimey I'm not complaining about anything.
Bit of tidying in the garden this morning. Roast Sunday lunch out at Mandy's Mum's. Brief trip to Stratford for Ben to spend his HMV voucher quick before they go bust again!
I guess the best thing for me is to have several of these 'no news' posts in a row. I will have to try to think of something else to write about tomorrow. Leave it with me.
Cheers
Tim
I know this is a boring post today because it has just been a perfectly normal ordinary day. Boring to you but bloody music to my ears.
Good night's sleep. No sickness this morning, first time in four days. Leg a bit better again. Blimey I'm not complaining about anything.
Bit of tidying in the garden this morning. Roast Sunday lunch out at Mandy's Mum's. Brief trip to Stratford for Ben to spend his HMV voucher quick before they go bust again!
I guess the best thing for me is to have several of these 'no news' posts in a row. I will have to try to think of something else to write about tomorrow. Leave it with me.
Cheers
Tim
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Sick of the sickness
Saturday 2nd February
Getting fed up of writing about this, but this morning started with not one but two bouts of morning sickness. Hang on a minute, isn't that a sign of something? Oh well never mind.
After a really good night's sleep too. Wake up at 8 knowing I need to take my anti-biotics but not wanting to incase of sickness. I did eventually get one down me though and after the second bout of sickness did manage breakfast, which made me feel much better. One of the problems with the anti-biotics tablet is that it is huge and really hard to swallow. I actually gagged on it last night and I have to say the look on Mandy's face was a picture, although she didn't think it was funny.
The anti-biotics are starting to work on the leg however so it's all worth it. Much less pain today. Managed a nice walk in Broadway at lunchtime with Ben.
Nice to see a friend who came round this afternoon too. He's the first person to see me, except Mandy and Ben, with no hair. He didn't run screaming from the building so maybe it's not as bad as feared.
The swing from negative to positive has come very quickly this time. I'm now thinking of what I can achieve this week and early next before my final big hit of chemo which starts on the 14th. Oh well, at least I won't have the expense of a meal out on Rip Off Day, sorry I mean Valentine's Day.
Aiming to get to work a couple of times. Take Mandy out sometime to give her something nice to look forward to. Some jobs around the house need doing and somehow these mundane jobs look much more appealing now.
The lack of exercise, particularly running, still causes me a certain amount of depression. Reading on the running club forum of what other people are up to both helps and depresses in equal measures. I really must write out a training timetable for when I am ready to start, and stick to it!! The last thing I want is to try to train up too quickly and end up injured for Tewkesbury. That really would be stupid.
Tea is ready so I will sign off now. Thanks for reading.
Cheers
Tim
Getting fed up of writing about this, but this morning started with not one but two bouts of morning sickness. Hang on a minute, isn't that a sign of something? Oh well never mind.
After a really good night's sleep too. Wake up at 8 knowing I need to take my anti-biotics but not wanting to incase of sickness. I did eventually get one down me though and after the second bout of sickness did manage breakfast, which made me feel much better. One of the problems with the anti-biotics tablet is that it is huge and really hard to swallow. I actually gagged on it last night and I have to say the look on Mandy's face was a picture, although she didn't think it was funny.
The anti-biotics are starting to work on the leg however so it's all worth it. Much less pain today. Managed a nice walk in Broadway at lunchtime with Ben.
Nice to see a friend who came round this afternoon too. He's the first person to see me, except Mandy and Ben, with no hair. He didn't run screaming from the building so maybe it's not as bad as feared.
The swing from negative to positive has come very quickly this time. I'm now thinking of what I can achieve this week and early next before my final big hit of chemo which starts on the 14th. Oh well, at least I won't have the expense of a meal out on Rip Off Day, sorry I mean Valentine's Day.
Aiming to get to work a couple of times. Take Mandy out sometime to give her something nice to look forward to. Some jobs around the house need doing and somehow these mundane jobs look much more appealing now.
The lack of exercise, particularly running, still causes me a certain amount of depression. Reading on the running club forum of what other people are up to both helps and depresses in equal measures. I really must write out a training timetable for when I am ready to start, and stick to it!! The last thing I want is to try to train up too quickly and end up injured for Tewkesbury. That really would be stupid.
Tea is ready so I will sign off now. Thanks for reading.
Cheers
Tim
Friday, 1 February 2013
Eating
Friday 1st February
At last a much more normal day of eating. Started the day with another bout of sickness though, same as yesterday. Breakfast was NOT Weetabix, actually went for cornflakes instead. Lunch was scrambled egg and bacon on toast. Tea was sausages cooked in chilli beans with rice. All fantastic but even those great flavours cannot get through the damage the drugs are causing. I can taste it all but it is like a background flavour. I think it is time to have a Vindaloo and see how that goes!
The other thing about the eating is now timing. The tablets I have to make my leg better have to be taken on an empty stomach, so an hour before or 2 hours after food, 4 times a day. Work it out, it's bloody awkward.
Talking of the leg, the vein really hurts today. I did manage to walk into town, actually more like limp into town. Not too bad whilst on the move but if you stand still it is agony. I stood in a queue in a shop and nearly had to put what I was buying back and leave it hurt so much.
Hopefully this is a corner turned for a bit. Feel well enough to make vague plans for the weekend. I feel like I am isolating myself a bit, it's all too easy to make an excuse and put things off. Nobody except Ben and Mandy have seen me without a hat on since my hair went. I didn't think it would be a big deal, which it kind of isn't to me but I still think it will be a shock to others. I must post a photo so that people are pre-warned.
Need to go and talk to Ben now, we seem to have had the stroppy teenage version come home from school today. Dosen't happen very often, just occasionally.
Cheers
Tim
At last a much more normal day of eating. Started the day with another bout of sickness though, same as yesterday. Breakfast was NOT Weetabix, actually went for cornflakes instead. Lunch was scrambled egg and bacon on toast. Tea was sausages cooked in chilli beans with rice. All fantastic but even those great flavours cannot get through the damage the drugs are causing. I can taste it all but it is like a background flavour. I think it is time to have a Vindaloo and see how that goes!
The other thing about the eating is now timing. The tablets I have to make my leg better have to be taken on an empty stomach, so an hour before or 2 hours after food, 4 times a day. Work it out, it's bloody awkward.
Talking of the leg, the vein really hurts today. I did manage to walk into town, actually more like limp into town. Not too bad whilst on the move but if you stand still it is agony. I stood in a queue in a shop and nearly had to put what I was buying back and leave it hurt so much.
Hopefully this is a corner turned for a bit. Feel well enough to make vague plans for the weekend. I feel like I am isolating myself a bit, it's all too easy to make an excuse and put things off. Nobody except Ben and Mandy have seen me without a hat on since my hair went. I didn't think it would be a big deal, which it kind of isn't to me but I still think it will be a shock to others. I must post a photo so that people are pre-warned.
Need to go and talk to Ben now, we seem to have had the stroppy teenage version come home from school today. Dosen't happen very often, just occasionally.
Cheers
Tim
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