Tuesday 21st May
So here we are at the end of the journey, and it has been a journey. In the great scheme of things it has only been 5 months and two weeks since I was diagnosed, a very small part of my life so far but it has seemed so much longer.
Mandy last night summed up the events quite nicely. There have certainly been highs and some very low lows but now it is time to move on. I will never forget, and certainly won't be allowed to as I move from check up to check up. I think it will be a shadow that is constantly there. Already the slightest thing wrong and you immediately look to whether it could be related to the cancer. This will fade somewhat with time but I guess an underlying fear will always be present.
What I really want to talk about tonight is friendship. As the saying goes, at times like these you find out who your friends are, and I have certainly not found them wanting. The support I have received right from the start has been nothing short of amazing. I could not have made a better decision than to be very public about what was happening. The constant stream of encouragement and messages that I have received has helped beyond belief. The world would have seemed an even darker place than it did without you and for that I am eternally grateful to all of you.
My family have been there all the way with me as well. It has not been easy for them as I went through periods of not really wanting to see people or being able to, but knowing they were there for me and probably more importantly for Mandy was such a comfort.
Ben has turned out to be the kind of son I could only have dreamt of having. I know this has not been easy for him watching me going through the treatment and not being myself at all. Being a teenager he perhaps has not been able to express this but he is so loving and caring, and in just getting on with his life whilst chaos ruled around him he helped no end. I am very proud of him indeed.
So this brings me to Mandy. We used to laugh together about what a rubbish nurse she was when any illness came along in the family. She could just about manage ten minutes of sympathy before it would run out and she would be impatient for you to be better. But as I should have known with Mand, when the chips were down she can step forward and do anything.
I am struggling here to say what I want to. I have written a few things but deleted them again, so I am going to keep it simple and short.
She has quite simply been the reason I have got through this in the manner I have. We have laughed and cried our way through together. She has held my hand through the worst time of my life and made it all better. I owe her so much. Thank you Mand. I love you.
I think I had better finish there. Thank you all so much for reading this.
Cheers and goodbye.
Tim
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Monday 20 May 2013
A wife's view for the last time
Monday 20th May
So this is my final post, Tim will rightly have the last word tomorrow.
Firstly to yesterday, a day and a race that Tim had throughout his treatment set his sights on getting to the finish line of. He had done so well with his training, picking his speeds and distances up far quicker than I thought he would...or should at times! Determination and competitiveness is deep within him though so I don't know why I was surprised. Outwardly yesterday morning he was very calm, more so than normal before a race. He seemed totally focused on that finish line and nothing was getting in his way. When we arrived he soon found other Evesham runners and Kurt his running mate so Ben and I set off to get as far round the course as possible to wave him on. We had procured a banner from ebay with 'Run Tim Run' printed on it which we could hold up to encourage him further. We managed to walk to the 2 mile marker but after all we could do was wait for him again at the end, trusting him to Kurt.
We waited at the finish knowing he would be around the 2 hour mark, and watched other Evesham runners come in. Not long before he was due an ambulance went off lights flashing and I must admit I did say to Ben 'they better not be going to scrape your Dad up into that!' Not long after though we saw him come into view, looking OK with legs still capable of movement. I was very pleased to see him cross that line.
I have to admit yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Going to the race I felt as nervous as if I was running it myself. I did have a word with Kurt before the start asking him to slow Tim down and generally look after him. He did both and I'm very grateful to him for that. Even after he had finished though when I knew he was round and OK, I struggled with the emotion of it all. Also today I could be tearful if pushed, just sheer relief I think.
Time really has gone quickly but there were points when I thought things couldn't get any worse. They could of course have been much worse and in reality we have been lucky, we got the outcome we were promised. If this experience has taught us nothing else its that there is always someone in a more difficult place than you. Through the process we have touched lives with plenty of others who could expect very different results from Tim's.
And so, as in all good writings, I need a conclusion, the highs and the lows. Lets start with the latter first as there were plenty of them. I will never forget sitting in either of the consultant's rooms, both the initial surgeon's and later the oncologist's and listening in disbelief to what they had to say. Then crying all the way home, trying to still drive safely. That happened too after leaving Tim in A&E, one of the very lowest points of the whole experience. The worst thing of all though was watching my lovely fit husband go through something that made him so ill, and having to try and convince myself that they did know what they were doing and to trust them.
Finding highs is harder, there are only two. I will never forget the support we have received from all those around us. Some I would hope to be able to call on in times of crisis and they have all stepped up to the plate and beyond. There have been others though that I personally didn't really know before who have sent regular messages of support to us both. And the second obvious high is that we were right to trust them at the hospital, they did know their stuff and I have got my man back, not quite in one piece (!) but near enough.
Ben has been fantastic despite being a teenager.
Thank you all and I leave Tim to finish.
Mandy
So this is my final post, Tim will rightly have the last word tomorrow.
Firstly to yesterday, a day and a race that Tim had throughout his treatment set his sights on getting to the finish line of. He had done so well with his training, picking his speeds and distances up far quicker than I thought he would...or should at times! Determination and competitiveness is deep within him though so I don't know why I was surprised. Outwardly yesterday morning he was very calm, more so than normal before a race. He seemed totally focused on that finish line and nothing was getting in his way. When we arrived he soon found other Evesham runners and Kurt his running mate so Ben and I set off to get as far round the course as possible to wave him on. We had procured a banner from ebay with 'Run Tim Run' printed on it which we could hold up to encourage him further. We managed to walk to the 2 mile marker but after all we could do was wait for him again at the end, trusting him to Kurt.
We waited at the finish knowing he would be around the 2 hour mark, and watched other Evesham runners come in. Not long before he was due an ambulance went off lights flashing and I must admit I did say to Ben 'they better not be going to scrape your Dad up into that!' Not long after though we saw him come into view, looking OK with legs still capable of movement. I was very pleased to see him cross that line.
I have to admit yesterday was a very difficult day for me. Going to the race I felt as nervous as if I was running it myself. I did have a word with Kurt before the start asking him to slow Tim down and generally look after him. He did both and I'm very grateful to him for that. Even after he had finished though when I knew he was round and OK, I struggled with the emotion of it all. Also today I could be tearful if pushed, just sheer relief I think.
Time really has gone quickly but there were points when I thought things couldn't get any worse. They could of course have been much worse and in reality we have been lucky, we got the outcome we were promised. If this experience has taught us nothing else its that there is always someone in a more difficult place than you. Through the process we have touched lives with plenty of others who could expect very different results from Tim's.
And so, as in all good writings, I need a conclusion, the highs and the lows. Lets start with the latter first as there were plenty of them. I will never forget sitting in either of the consultant's rooms, both the initial surgeon's and later the oncologist's and listening in disbelief to what they had to say. Then crying all the way home, trying to still drive safely. That happened too after leaving Tim in A&E, one of the very lowest points of the whole experience. The worst thing of all though was watching my lovely fit husband go through something that made him so ill, and having to try and convince myself that they did know what they were doing and to trust them.
Finding highs is harder, there are only two. I will never forget the support we have received from all those around us. Some I would hope to be able to call on in times of crisis and they have all stepped up to the plate and beyond. There have been others though that I personally didn't really know before who have sent regular messages of support to us both. And the second obvious high is that we were right to trust them at the hospital, they did know their stuff and I have got my man back, not quite in one piece (!) but near enough.
Ben has been fantastic despite being a teenager.
Thank you all and I leave Tim to finish.
Mandy
Sunday 19 May 2013
Race day
Sunday 19th May
Today has been quite a day. The blog has been building to this point from the start, and fortunately the plan came together. There was no guarantee that I would have beaten the cancer or even be able to make the start line when I booked the race, but here I am sat in bed absolutely knackered but very happy writing this.
There is so much to put in here but it is so late that this will probably not be the whole tale of the day before I fall asleep. It was certainly eventful ( thank you Mr Leathers! ) but worked out in the end.
The weather was almost perfect, although perhaps just a little hot ( not many times we can say that recently ). The race itself went perfectly to plan. We started with a group of six of us but this whittled down to just Kurt and I in the end. Kurt was invaluable today, without him it could have been very painful. He slowed me down when I was going too quick and just talked to me the whole way to keep me going, although the next time he quotes Shakespeare during a race he had better make sure the guy running next to us is not there. He launched into several minutes of explaining that Shakespeare did not write any plays followed by the facts proving that the Titanic is not the Titanic. Great party guest!!
We finished bang on planned time at 1 hour 55 minutes 12 seconds. A personal worst for me but there haven't been many as satisfying as this one. Di from our club was waiting for me on the finish line with a bouquet of flowers, followed by a crate of beer.
I was so tired I did have to find shade to sit in for a few minutes where I had to take on water and a banana before I could stand again. Whilst I was there I was interviewed by Heart FM which will go out on the breakfast programme tomorrow, although whether I made any sense I'm not sure.
Unfortunately Richard then produced his party piece and had a bit of a collapse after finishing and as I was one of the last remaining Evesham runners there I had to wait while they sorted him out in the back of an ambulance and then drive him home in his car. He promptly fainted again in the car after only about a mile but came round in only about 30 seconds and fortunately picked up from there onwards. He was fine when I saw him later in the afternoon but he didn't half scare me.
We finished the day with a BBQ with friends which was great.
I struggle to find the words to say how grateful I am to everyone for their support. It makes me feel very humble.
Mandy will finish off her thoughts tomorrow night and then I will finish the blog completely on Tuesday.
Till then.
Tim
Today has been quite a day. The blog has been building to this point from the start, and fortunately the plan came together. There was no guarantee that I would have beaten the cancer or even be able to make the start line when I booked the race, but here I am sat in bed absolutely knackered but very happy writing this.
There is so much to put in here but it is so late that this will probably not be the whole tale of the day before I fall asleep. It was certainly eventful ( thank you Mr Leathers! ) but worked out in the end.
The weather was almost perfect, although perhaps just a little hot ( not many times we can say that recently ). The race itself went perfectly to plan. We started with a group of six of us but this whittled down to just Kurt and I in the end. Kurt was invaluable today, without him it could have been very painful. He slowed me down when I was going too quick and just talked to me the whole way to keep me going, although the next time he quotes Shakespeare during a race he had better make sure the guy running next to us is not there. He launched into several minutes of explaining that Shakespeare did not write any plays followed by the facts proving that the Titanic is not the Titanic. Great party guest!!
We finished bang on planned time at 1 hour 55 minutes 12 seconds. A personal worst for me but there haven't been many as satisfying as this one. Di from our club was waiting for me on the finish line with a bouquet of flowers, followed by a crate of beer.
I was so tired I did have to find shade to sit in for a few minutes where I had to take on water and a banana before I could stand again. Whilst I was there I was interviewed by Heart FM which will go out on the breakfast programme tomorrow, although whether I made any sense I'm not sure.
Unfortunately Richard then produced his party piece and had a bit of a collapse after finishing and as I was one of the last remaining Evesham runners there I had to wait while they sorted him out in the back of an ambulance and then drive him home in his car. He promptly fainted again in the car after only about a mile but came round in only about 30 seconds and fortunately picked up from there onwards. He was fine when I saw him later in the afternoon but he didn't half scare me.
We finished the day with a BBQ with friends which was great.
I struggle to find the words to say how grateful I am to everyone for their support. It makes me feel very humble.
Mandy will finish off her thoughts tomorrow night and then I will finish the blog completely on Tuesday.
Till then.
Tim
Saturday 18 May 2013
Preparing
Saturday 18th May
One day to go to Tewkesbury. We have spent the day mostly getting ready for the party after the race. We have put up a small marquee and been to do the food and drink shopping. Now all we need is a bit of decent weather for the BBQ and we will be rocking.
Not thought too much about the actual race today which is good. People keep saying to me 'it will be quite emotional when you finish' which it will be but I have tried not to dwell on it. It will be a closure of sorts as I really do feel very close to being completely back to normal. Once this is done I have no excuses left, although Mand keeps on reminding me that it is not that long since I have finished and I must still be careful. The body can take a long time to totally recover and it would be easy to overdo it. I think I will take a break from the running for about a week ( yeah right! ), maybe until next Saturday then.
I have received plenty of messages of good luck on Facebook and through the running club today which is fabulous. The total on the sponsorship has now topped £1000 which is tremendous.
So the pasta has been eaten and the kit is out ready. Just need a good night's sleep and off we go.
Cheers till tomorrow.
Tim
One day to go to Tewkesbury. We have spent the day mostly getting ready for the party after the race. We have put up a small marquee and been to do the food and drink shopping. Now all we need is a bit of decent weather for the BBQ and we will be rocking.
Not thought too much about the actual race today which is good. People keep saying to me 'it will be quite emotional when you finish' which it will be but I have tried not to dwell on it. It will be a closure of sorts as I really do feel very close to being completely back to normal. Once this is done I have no excuses left, although Mand keeps on reminding me that it is not that long since I have finished and I must still be careful. The body can take a long time to totally recover and it would be easy to overdo it. I think I will take a break from the running for about a week ( yeah right! ), maybe until next Saturday then.
I have received plenty of messages of good luck on Facebook and through the running club today which is fabulous. The total on the sponsorship has now topped £1000 which is tremendous.
So the pasta has been eaten and the kit is out ready. Just need a good night's sleep and off we go.
Cheers till tomorrow.
Tim
Friday 17 May 2013
Work and not a lot else!
Friday 17th May
It is tough to write anything particularly meaningful and deep on a day when I have basically been to work and come home. Bear with me lets see what I can come up with.
Last night we played the semi final of the Champion of champions. We won but not by much, beating the team who won division 3 this year. We qualified by winning division one ( and the knockout cup but they wouldn't give us two places ). We will play the winners of division 2 in the final on Monday. I had the top score last night as well. It has been a successful season this year as we have won five trophies so far and hopefully another on Monday.
Sunday's race now seems very close. I feel OK at the moment but I will be nervous on the morning itself. Just pray for good running weather, not too hot and not windy, but it will be what it will be. On the other hand it would be nice if it was a decent afternoon as we are having a BBQ.
I have had the date of my first check up through today, August the 15th. It doesn't seem very far away, they are obviously going to see me every 3 months to start with. The first two should be with my Macmillan nurse Zoe and then I will have to see the doctor on the third visit. Only 9 years 9 months to go!
Cheers until tomorrow.
Tim
It is tough to write anything particularly meaningful and deep on a day when I have basically been to work and come home. Bear with me lets see what I can come up with.
Last night we played the semi final of the Champion of champions. We won but not by much, beating the team who won division 3 this year. We qualified by winning division one ( and the knockout cup but they wouldn't give us two places ). We will play the winners of division 2 in the final on Monday. I had the top score last night as well. It has been a successful season this year as we have won five trophies so far and hopefully another on Monday.
Sunday's race now seems very close. I feel OK at the moment but I will be nervous on the morning itself. Just pray for good running weather, not too hot and not windy, but it will be what it will be. On the other hand it would be nice if it was a decent afternoon as we are having a BBQ.
I have had the date of my first check up through today, August the 15th. It doesn't seem very far away, they are obviously going to see me every 3 months to start with. The first two should be with my Macmillan nurse Zoe and then I will have to see the doctor on the third visit. Only 9 years 9 months to go!
Cheers until tomorrow.
Tim
Thursday 16 May 2013
Sponsorship
Thursday 16th May
I have been pushing on with the fund raising effort of sponsorship for me running on Sunday. Yet again I have been overwhelmed by the level of support I am getting. By now I should not be surprised but it still gets me every time. I am approaching the £1000 mark which is just fantastic. It feels like everyone I ever run with will be there on Sunday taking part, I really should be getting commission from the organisers.
No training today, I have finished now until the race. Normally I would probably have had a run on Friday but maybe not this time. Although !!
I have just been reading the blog from 19th of Feb onwards. It was around the horrible night I spent in A & E in Worcester. I had obviously not re-read it before as I had not noticed that on the 19th I had put that I didn't feel very well but hopefully I would have nothing to write for a few days, that it would be boring but I just wanted a couple of quiet days. How much more wrong could I have been. I think it was one of the worst nights of my life along with the night Ben broke his leg when he was only three ( in a soft play area of all places, what a numpty ).
We had to put up with so much for those couple of days with the temperature and sickness, the awful treatment I received at Worcester, and then straight off for another bout of chemo. God I'm glad it is over now.
I'm off to play skittles now, it is the semi final of the champion of champions competition.
Cheers
Tim
I have been pushing on with the fund raising effort of sponsorship for me running on Sunday. Yet again I have been overwhelmed by the level of support I am getting. By now I should not be surprised but it still gets me every time. I am approaching the £1000 mark which is just fantastic. It feels like everyone I ever run with will be there on Sunday taking part, I really should be getting commission from the organisers.
No training today, I have finished now until the race. Normally I would probably have had a run on Friday but maybe not this time. Although !!
I have just been reading the blog from 19th of Feb onwards. It was around the horrible night I spent in A & E in Worcester. I had obviously not re-read it before as I had not noticed that on the 19th I had put that I didn't feel very well but hopefully I would have nothing to write for a few days, that it would be boring but I just wanted a couple of quiet days. How much more wrong could I have been. I think it was one of the worst nights of my life along with the night Ben broke his leg when he was only three ( in a soft play area of all places, what a numpty ).
We had to put up with so much for those couple of days with the temperature and sickness, the awful treatment I received at Worcester, and then straight off for another bout of chemo. God I'm glad it is over now.
I'm off to play skittles now, it is the semi final of the champion of champions competition.
Cheers
Tim
Wednesday 15 May 2013
No news is good news
Wednesday 15th May
I'm struggling to find anything to write about tonight, which in the great scheme of things is probably a positive.
Normal day at work, followed by a rush to fetch my mum's birthday present which was at Mandy's mum's house and deliver it to my mum who is 83 tomorrow. I can't go over tomorrow as there is just too much on including skittles in the evening.
From mum and dad's house I went for a last run before Sunday's race. A nice little 4 miles including some hills which I really need to work on, but I can feel I am getting stronger and quicker with every outing.
Picked up chips on the way home so it was a complete waste of time in terms of burning calories!
Now just sat trying to relax.
Cheers
Tim
I'm struggling to find anything to write about tonight, which in the great scheme of things is probably a positive.
Normal day at work, followed by a rush to fetch my mum's birthday present which was at Mandy's mum's house and deliver it to my mum who is 83 tomorrow. I can't go over tomorrow as there is just too much on including skittles in the evening.
From mum and dad's house I went for a last run before Sunday's race. A nice little 4 miles including some hills which I really need to work on, but I can feel I am getting stronger and quicker with every outing.
Picked up chips on the way home so it was a complete waste of time in terms of burning calories!
Now just sat trying to relax.
Cheers
Tim
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)